so i definately got a new xanga.... but i'm not just gonna put my new name on here, so comment me and i'll let you know what it is.... maybe since i have another new one, i'll actually update it! lol... <3love<3

kimmie

I want a guy who will just come over to be with me, not to "get some". who will hold me and keep me close, because he's afraid to lose me. who will get the hair off my face, to look into my eyes. who will hug me tight, kiss my cheek to make me smile. Slow dance with me, even without the music. who will pick a flower and stick it in my hair. Who will watch scary movies with me and be afraid with me. Who will invite me to family parties. and introduce me as his beautiful girlfriend. A guy who will go soft with me in front of his friends. who will tell me he's "missin me". A guy who will call and leave me voicemails, just to say he loves me. Who will be there for me when I fight with my friends and parents, and let me cry on his shoulder. to comfort me and tell me it will all be okay. A guy who will let me take stupid pictures of us and show them to my friends. I just want a guy to love me with all his heart.

found that and though it was cute... not much to say.... things with Richard and I have been really rough lately. We talked about it today though and called a truce. I hate fighting with him like this, it brings me down alot. But at the same time, it really shows me how much i need him. I depend on him for my happiness and alot of other things. And anyone who talked to me today at school knows how upset i've been over this. I hate fighting, especially with him, because he means so much to me. And while I know I was wrong about alot of the things i said and how mean i've been to him about it lately, its getting on my nerves a lil that he doesnt think he's done anything wrong. his compassion level through most of this is pretty shitty to me. but it happens and we're over it now, so i'll let it go. anywho, i have homework to get done for sinclair tonight, so i'm out. leave em. <3Love<3

Kimmie

So its been awhile since i've actually updated so here goes. I had my catscan on Tuesday. The catscan machine was loud and scary, but it definately wasnt the bad part. When I got there, they ademe change clothes and they stuck and IV in my arm. I cried like a baby, cuz it hurt like hell and i hate needles. But they closed it off, and took me back to start my catscan. About halfway through, the nurse connected my IV to a machine that pumped this ink stuff through my veins and made me burn and feel like i had to pee. It was horrible. I felt it get to every inch of my body cuz it was burning me on the inside as it got there. When it finally got to my feet, my toes freaking lit on fire, it was horrible. I cried the entire time. But after she disconnect me from the machine, they finished the catscan and took out my IV. and let me go home. I had that damn thing done a week ago, and my arm is still really bruised and sore from the IV. its nasty looking. Oh well

I talked to my doctor today about it. She still wants more, so I have to have a biopsy. For those of you who dont know what that is, they are gonna stick a needle in the lump on my spine, and pull out some of it to test it and see what it is. i'm terrified, cuz she told me it would hurt like hell. Right now i'm waitin on the hospital to call me back so i can schedule it.

I think i've typed enough for awhile, so i'll write back when i know more.  <3 love <3

Kimmie